You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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