Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize