Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
