he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
