So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
