I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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