You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
did you just send me my own nude
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
