no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
