did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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