i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
