Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
