you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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