Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
