she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
