It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize