is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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