it wasn't lemon gatorade
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
