currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
