We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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