i can't believe i had my finger in that
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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