Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
