i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
