Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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