hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
