Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
