Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
