return my video game
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We had sex on a dog bed..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
