Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
