Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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