Apparently you make a good broom.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
