what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
