Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
