Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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