Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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