I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
