I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
