if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
