Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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