hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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