i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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