is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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