I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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