Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
