I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize