God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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