I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
