Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
