Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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