I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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