he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize