...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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