Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
