For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
