worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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