ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am one with the molecules
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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