how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
