We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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