I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
