yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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