You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
