When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
