5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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