just come out here and I will go home with you...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize