So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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