btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He did a backflip because drugs
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