Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
