Tell her she can't have a vagina
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My ass is underappreciated
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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