Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
