It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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