Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
