So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize