meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i now understand why vodka
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
