He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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