Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
