For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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