He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
