everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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