If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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