If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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