I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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